Place to put all your warnings or just general announcements

Tire Out

I am really tired today. So I probably won’t be talking that much. Went for my CCA today and was really happy cuz my CCA really felt like home. XP We have started to prepare for the Open House and I really really hope that the cosplay for Gakuen Alice and Baby’s groups and I will be approved. Really want to deck out in the Vampire Knight uniform to walk around to give out flyers because that would be so cool! Hope that I really can! *prays hard* and now I think that my CCA and SIT Club activities will clash. *sigh* my teacher said that she wants me to help out even more for it. Might want me for Thursday and Friday as well. *prays again* Please don’t use me that much! I want to help out my CCA more!

Is it a selfish request? I want to help out both sides in all the ways that I can but it does not seem to be able to work. Maybe I am stressing myself out too much? Putting too much on myself and trying to please everyone around me. I swore to myself that I would not do that because I want to be who I really am and do what I want to do.

I always tried to accommodate everything that others wanted. If they think that I am too noisy, I lower down and try not to speak (even if it’s killing me on the inside), when they say that I am not ladylike enough, I try too act like a lady, when they say that they don’t know enough about me, I try to tell them what I can and then they will say that I am cutting into their privacy. Throw all work to me and expect the best results from me when they themselves couldn’t even do it. Tell me, what am I supposed to do?

I told myself, I promised and swore to myself that I want to change. I do not want to be the old me that listen to everything others say and do what I am told. As long as I want it, I will act the way I want. As long as it does not harm or hurt others, I will do what I want and that’s that.

But I still find myself reverting back to the old me. Once I stepped into my class, I lost all my confidence and didn’t even have the heart to laugh or smile. I just thought that everything was useless and didn’t even want to try and act to my classmates. I kept silent because they didn’t want to hear my voice and nobody talked to me anyway, so why should I open my mouth? I was down, and was really feeling bad about everything. The only thing that kept me going on was the thought that as soon as I finish my work, I can scram out of there and don’t look at their faces.

I was late in meeting Baby today, cuz my class could finish the assignment expect for me. I couldn’t finish debugging the program in time. In the end, I gave up my pride and went to ask a few of my classmates. Guess what was their answer? “I don’t know, don’t come and ask me anymore.” Right, if you did not know the answer, tell me, how in the fucking damn world did you manage to finish yours and pass it up?

Hell, gave up in the end and went off to meet baby. Saw him outside with one of our CCA members, and he said that he wanted to use a computer so I suggested going back to the one that I was using before I met them. I didn’t really want to at first, but I saw that a few of my classmates have come out and went off so I thought: Ah, what the heck.

Went back with the both of them and got a lot of looks from my classmates. Heck, the other class (when doing practical, usually two or three classes combined. Very seldom will there be one class practical’s.) Didn’t even care! What the fuck are you caring? Not like you have ever started till now.

Sat down and started to chat with Baby and use my lappy at the same time, and the other guy was using the school computer to play games. Was really happy talking to baby and he managed to make me really cheerful again, and I kept on smiling and laughing. One of my classmates, a really nice girl she is, smsed me later on after she left the class. She wrote this: Hey girl, good to see that you are smiling and laughing. Was worried that something has happened cuz you had a black face on for the morning. Take care! I was really pleased to see this. Shows that at least someone notices. Thanks!

Baby, remember that we were on the way over to Block E when I was being really sarcastic with you and kept putting you down in a nice manner? I told you I was pissed right? It was because of this. Now you know. It’s nothing to do with you seriously.

*Sigh* Said that I will be writing a little but it turned out to be this much. Really tired now so I will go to sleep. Jya~
P.S Story will be posted up as soon as I get it done. ^^

Profle about yourself

Wishes upon stars

Blogskins
Links
Links

C Box or any other tagging device

Archives

Future plans, or stuff like schedules, planners, important events

CREDITS:
Blogskin editted by Honey.
The foreground picture, Arcane Runes, belongs to Honey.
The pictures were made with brushes from Obisidian Dawn.