Place to put all your warnings or just general announcements

Wonder if anyone cares if I update this palace. I am going to make a new blog, but I don't think anyone cares right? ^^

I want to start everything anew. I started this blog for around a year now, and reading back my past post, I realized so much has changed.

I changed my blog name two times, from mielcruciale to hani-no-sekai to the haninosekai blogspot name that I hold now. Reasons for changing? The first time, I wanted something new to go with what i had, and the second time because of a stupid girl who went crying to her mum about what I wrote.

So so much has changed and happened. My mum has my blog URL now, which is a big part of hindering how and what I can and am able to write, Old friends go and new friends come, fights, unhappiness, regret, and whatnot, but happiness do come along sometimes.

I feel so fake. People tell me that they are so jealous that I can "Just Be Yourself", my main motto in life and what I want to live by. Notice, WANT to live by, not AM living by. I feel like I cannot be myself somehow. There may be times that I am living as me, but there are also times where I cannot be myself. I hate myself for it. I promised myself that I would be a brand new me, but I just go back to the old nasty me.

I don't want to feel this way. I really don't. I had so much hopes for the future, for whatever great destiny that was coming for me, for the bright bright future. But it never happened.

People often used to ask me, "Why do you like acting/ reading novels so much?"

It is that hard to see the answer?

If I am reading/portraying as a good character who is happy and has a wonderful life, I would think 'Ah, so this is how it is. How happy is this character. I am happy too, cuz I got to live in your life for at least a while.'

If I am reading/portraying as a bad character who is unhappy and had a life full of hardship, then I would have thought 'Thank god for whatever I have now. I am so happy that I has a much better life than the character. There ARE people out there who is living like this, therefore I am thanking for not being them and I am contented with whatever I have.'

See? Those are my rational thoughts.

I guess what makes me hate myself all the more is what I am doing now. I hated myself for not being able to do what I want. I really don't want to be here. I hate it here. But what am I still doing here?

Look at Daryl Aniki, he knew what he wanted. He got everything in order and went after it.

Look at Theo Aneki, she is such a good student, and she is chasing her dream now.

But look at me. Where am I? Neither here nor there seriously. I am just wandering along the banks of 'River to Nowhere'.

no-where? now-here?

What is the difference? What difference does it make? It definitely does not affect me. So why do I even care?

I am tired, so very tired.

Profle about yourself

Wishes upon stars

Blogskins
Links
Links

C Box or any other tagging device

Archives

Future plans, or stuff like schedules, planners, important events

CREDITS:
Blogskin editted by Honey.
The foreground picture, Arcane Runes, belongs to Honey.
The pictures were made with brushes from Obisidian Dawn.